Yeah, bitch! Magnets! Ohh! Breaking Bad 5.01

Fans of Breaking Bad everywhere have had a year to wonder what would happen after the dramatic explosion that was the end of season 4.  Finally, on Sunday, July 15th 2012, the first episode of season 5 aired.

Everyone who had been wondering what Walt would do after the explosion finally got the answer; he grew a beard, changed his name and went to Denny's to celebrate.  Oh wait, that's just something that we now know will happen at some point in the future.  Walt, or as he will go by in the future, Mr. Lambert, will spend his 52nd birthday at Denny's where he will meet up with Mike to do some elusive business deal.  Cue in the "OMG, is Walt in witness protection?" type questions.  At least we know that  Walt lives to see his 52nd birthday.

In this flash-forward scene, Walt meets Jim Beaver, who sold him a gun in season 4, in the bathroom where it looks like they're about to do a shady drug deal.  Instead, the gun salesman gives Walt keys to a car.  Walt opens the trunk to said car and finds guns n stuff.  Walt is seen taking some sort of pill in the bathroom.  It could be that his cancer returned, it could mean nothing, or maybe he's about to waste a bunch of Cartel members in a very Gus Fring in "Salud" way.  We'll have to wait and see.  **Continued below**

Then the opening credits come on, and we're back in present day.  Skyler is on the phone with Walt freaking out that Gus Fring is dead and asking Walt if he was involved.  Walt explains that this is a good thing and that he is in fact now #winning.

Walt is shown cleaning his house and making some mysterious cocktail which he never drinks, when Skyler and Walter Jr. return home.  Walter Jr. then breaks out in the most lines R.J. Mitte has ever had in one scene in Breaking Bad that did not involve breakfast in any way.  He rambles on about how OMG Gus from Los Pollos Hermanos was this major drug dealer and Uncle Hank is a hero; he's going to be all over TV.  Walt Jr. is probably very shocked about this because as we know, Uncle Hank says that good guys never get ink like the bad guys do. Every scene between Skyler and Walt is incredibly awkward, so it's good to see that nothing has changed in their rock-solid marriage.  Note, it is probably a good thing that Walt never drank whatever that drink was, because once he is under the influence of any type of substance, he starts slipping up and revealing his secrets or calling his son "Jesse." 

Walt Jr's banter about Hank leads to a scene with Hank and Gomie looking for evidence.  The rapport between them is still interesting, and Gomie finally has to admit that Hank was right about Gus.  While doing so, he makes some wise crack about dialysis, showing that the banter between our two favorite DEA agents is still there.  Hank surprisingly did not do much gloating about being right about Gus all along.  I wonder if he thinks that Gus is Heisenberg.  If so, maybe this time, Walt won't chug a bunch of wine and tell Hank that Gus isn't smart enough to make that blue stuff and Heisenberg is probably still on the loose.

As Mike is tending to random chickens in the desert, he finds out that Gus is dead.  He gets into his car in a rage and speeds towards Walt.  Walt (with Jesse in the car) is speeding towards him head on.  OMG are they going to crash and kill off the 3 most important characters at once? No.  Mike has his heart set on killing Walt, but Jesse has other plans.  Now that Gus is gone, someone has to take over as terminator and walk fearlessly in front of people with loaded guns.  Clearly, that person is Jesse.  Mike angrily aims his gun at Walt, and Jesse leaps in between the two of them.  I guess Mike forgot that "the kid's a hero."  Terminator aka Jesse tells Mike what's up.  "If you kill him, you're gonna have to kill me too!"  One day that line is going to get Jesse into trouble and someone is just going to say "ok I'll shoot both of you." Boom. But now was not that time.

Mike finally abides by Jesse's orders and listens to what Walt has to say, which is pretty much, "holy shit, Gus had video surveillance on all three of us while we were manufacturing meth, disposing of dead bodies, and Mike was picking up and dropping off meth!"  All three of them are in "oh shit" mode, even more-so when Mike confirms that the police have Gus's laptop. When Mike finds out that information, he's ready to throw in the towel and skip town.  Jesse convinces him to stick around because Walt is "good with this stuff."

Walt and Mike proceed to argue about how to deal with this laptop disaster while ignoring Jesse in the background as he talks about magnets.  When Walt and Mike can't think of any good ideas, Walt finally acknowledges Jesse, who sums up his entire magnet idea by making some weird noise.

In between Jesse coming up with his idea and Walt, Mike and Jesse going to test out the idea, we find out that Ted Beneke is still alive.  WTF?  Most fans really thought those oranges did him in!  But no worries, he's not going to tell the police that Skyler blackmailed him with two terrifying men.

Ok, back to the magnet idea.  Walt, Mike, Jesse and the old man at the parking lot who is always coming to the rescue test out this complex plan.  Walt shoots the magnet and Jesse holds the laptop hoping that it breaks so that they can destroy Gus's laptop in the same manner.  Jesse slowly walks towards the truck where all of this magnet activity is going down, and suddenly the laptop's screen starts blurring and goes blank.  Jesse starts to tell the others that the plan is working but is interrupted by, holy shit, a flying laptop!  The laptop bursts out of Jesse's hands and smacks into the truck.  Then, classic Jesse Pinkman finally emerges as he reacts to this success with the best line of the night,  "YEAH BITCH!  MAGNETS! OHH!"

Skyler visits Ted who looks like complete shit and has joined the "almost every man on this show is bald" club.

Then, it's go time.  Jesse, Walt and Mike need to do their magnet stunt and destroy Gus's laptop before all three of them are arrested.  Walt shoots the magnet and then remains at the scene until the very last second, despite Jesse's pleas, "Mr. White, let's get out of here!"  No, we have to wait until our truck slams over because of the magnet, then we can leave!  Either way, the plan works and we see a very confused cop with a "WTF" look on his face as all of the metal items in the evidence room go flying tornado in Wizard of Oz style.  There still is some information on a photograph though, so who knows what the cops might find?

Then, we have a scene where Walt scares the shit out of Saul and it is confirmed for anyone who wasn't sure, that Walt is, in fact, the piece of shit who poisoned a child just to get Jesse to speak to him. Then Walt goes home and tells his loving wife that HE forgives HER.  Skyler is probably thinking "I don't know what he's forgiving me for after all the crazy shit he's done. Sorry, not sorry!"

I already can't wait until next Sunday!


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