Showing posts from March, 2009

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

I was listening to one of my all time favorite songs, "Dark Blue," by Jacks Mannequin. In the chorus, the lead singer, Andrew, inquires "have you ever been alone in a crowded room?" I paused the song immediately as tears welled up in my eyes. I listen to this song all of the time, but it suddenly hit me at that moment that my life is the epitome of being alone in a crowded room.

Upon hearing the question at first, one might search for the sensical part of the song lyric. Alone in a crowded room? Well if the room is crowded and I'm in it, how could I possibly be alone?

If I'm in a room with other people, that doesn't guarantee anything about those other people. Those other people might never look at me, never listen to me, never even notice I'm standing in the room at all; those people might have absolutely no idea who I am and might not even have a fleeting impulse in which they would ever want to meet me.

I sit in crowded rooms every day in class. I…


I'm sorry I'm too young for the seriousness of the future. I'm sorry that my tear-stained cheeks aren't enough proof that I care. I'm sorry I wanted so much so fast but then realized I wasn't ready for the speed. I'm sorry I want love at the same time I don't even believe in it. I'm sorry that we never had the same dreams even though we dreamt of each other. I'm sorry that shattered hearts can't share the same love of ones that have never broken. I'm sorry for the sleepless nights I spent stuck in seconds of our lives that I'll remember forever. I'm sorry that forever never seems as long in real life as it does in hypothetical discussion. I'm sorry that I couldn't wait around fearing that I might one day learn your secrets. I'm sorry that I've lost my voice from screaming when I never even wanted to fight. I'm sorry so many ferocious, hurtful fights remained unresolved. I'm sorry that the solutions are so …