Apologies

I'm sorry I'm too young for the seriousness of the future. I'm sorry that my tear-stained cheeks aren't enough proof that I care. I'm sorry I wanted so much so fast but then realized I wasn't ready for the speed. I'm sorry I want love at the same time I don't even believe in it. I'm sorry that we never had the same dreams even though we dreamt of each other. I'm sorry that shattered hearts can't share the same love of ones that have never broken. I'm sorry for the sleepless nights I spent stuck in seconds of our lives that I'll remember forever. I'm sorry that forever never seems as long in real life as it does in hypothetical discussion. I'm sorry that I couldn't wait around fearing that I might one day learn your secrets. I'm sorry that I've lost my voice from screaming when I never even wanted to fight. I'm sorry so many ferocious, hurtful fights remained unresolved. I'm sorry that the solutions are so well hidden that I sometimes worry that they don't even exist. I'm sorry that my entire existence is breaking down and I'm just trying to stand up straight and paint a smile on my face that people might mistake for a real one. I'm sorry that I long for the days when that smile was real and not a battle between my lips and tear-filled eyes. I'm sorry for spilling and I'm sorry that you will probably never even read this and I'm sorry that I mean every word.

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